I met Tony Robbins and I loved him!!!

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Well, maybe that is a little bit of a stretch. I attended one of his seminars and I was part of an intimate gathering of around 2500 people and it was an experience. At one stage I was in spitting distance so I think that counts.

When I say I loved it, that does not mean that I loved every minute of it. The endless cheering and high-fiving, the late nights and expensive food and, of course, the upsell all got frustrating at times.

For those who know me, you know that I am always open to trying something, at least once. So, on a whim I booked my husband and I in for one of Tony Robbins programs – Date with Destiny. Needless to say, my analytical, fact based, IT husband was not impressed and he didn’t seem to believe that this could be a holiday (LOL), but he came along – grudgingly. After a slow start we did contemplate leaving and getting our money back, but by the end of the 6 days, that’s right 6 days and nights, we loved it.

I loved it on a number of levels:

  1. The process of self-reflection and his ability to take you on a journey to really question your underlying beliefs that are impacting your life. Simply, he creates the environment for AHA moments.

  2. As a coach, it was fascinating to watch his approach as he live coached individuals. As we watched you could literally see the spark in people’s eyes as they found their AHA moment and finally

  3. The spectacle of the event. It ran like clockwork, the staff were engaged and totally on brand, the size of it, over 2500 people, and the pure logistics of managing that many people over 6 days and nights 18 hours a day.

There were many insights I gained and I will share them over the next few months but one of the most interesting ones was the concept of The Primary Question.

The premise here is that we all have a primary question that we ask ourselves when we make decisions. This is normally a subconscious question that we ask as a default which impacts the decisions we make. When I realised my primary question it was like a thunderbolt hit me. My husband had the same reaction. When we came home I asked my kids the same question and that was enlightening.

My question is “can I afford this?”. My parents immigrated to Australia, with nothing, in the 1960’s. Like many other immigrants, my parents worked hard to build the Australian dream – buy a house, have children and give your children a good education. We never missed out but growing up we always knew that you have to work hard to survive and pay the bills and that money should never be wasted. The question in our house was often – can we afford this or do we really need this?

Fast forward 40 years and subconsciously I ask this question every time I make a decision about finances or purchases large or small. Some might say this is a good thing as I am “smart” with my money but is also means that I am constantly worrying about security and our future. I approach financial security with a sense of scarcity rather than abundance. With this mindset it doesn’t matter how much I have it will never be enough. I bet you can all think of people like me.

My husbands question was “ Am I doing this right?” I am sure many can relate to this question also. Asking this question creates self-doubt, procrastination and the fear of doing new things.

I asked my children and my eldest son’s response was “Is this going to be fun?” If it is, he is passionate, if not he just doesn’t do it. This means that at school his marks are either 99% or 58% depending on if he likes the subject or not. It also means that his room is always a pigsty as if something is not fun he simply does not do it. This is a great question to have but it might make life difficult in the future if he only applies himself to things that are fun.

I asked a girlfriend and her response was “Will this make you happy?”.  We can all see the trap here – she is always putting others ahead of herself.

As you think about your career, your life and your relationships ask yourself – what is your primary question and how is it affecting the decisions you make both positively and negatively.